March 12rh, 2026
neighvorhood walk
108 ish hrs w out sleep
Too sure of ur answer, Not so sure so so eager, looking for poetry. Little liar. Little liar. stop lookin Too convinced. No longer convinces. Liarrrrrrrrr little liar. Words words words blah blah blah bulshit, ur littterrally a fckin dyskexix what do hu think jur doing ???? ashshshsndhahahaha birds and buzzin flies helpin me notice something I'd forgotten. — Telephone poles. 8 cities. 4 countries. Where? Nails or tacks or staples? open invitation for more? l To watch a thing suffer and die with pain in ur temples s grease in ur hairunfocused sore laboredd eyes poor vjision and a delusiona l fuc kin mind. lov e love love loveinnn it laaaall aaalaaa ha haha hha haaaaa. Aaaaaaaaaaaskhhhaaaaa omg stop STFU ugh Unable to act little fuckin rats anf bats liek loveee th e nigjt like the little girl in me, . Floaters floating. floaters in my blurry eyes Tired legs Cnt move Only can absorb Become Becoe Become BecUM the cat Become the ground The cat vomits Hurls Ch okes Seizes across the street onto ground and i stand. Hehe strand I just s ‘tand there 5 days unwMashed Greasy hair my mou=h Unable to act Only absorb an d stare. Sorry kitty cat. Im a little off my rocker/ to hedo knistic with p leasure loving my aching bones and dying br ain ahhiq pleaseure . Labored breathing Disorientation Swaying Pain breaking Give me give me morVNKe ahhhhhh more Hit harder Deh ydrated Swaying in the wind Pulling tendons Breaking ankles Staring into cats eyes across the road eye contact U recognizd meee. iseeeeeWatch me,,. stumble away. Cruel. Cruelly cruel hearing rhythm pounding in my head evil hardderrr pounding NKib templesd and my mid and my stomach and my bones Circling sound Skipping skippoimg round Surrounding Nailed to the ground Pounn nd Pound Pound Drilled to stone Then hit harder again Bang Bang Bang Someones coming Banging on the doo r Exertion exertttttionnnnn Keep me out of breath pleaseeee dont letnme catch up Harder Exhaustion oh how i loveeeeeevNO! NO NOOOO STopppppppp stop omg ur boring so repetitive, always this always the smne that is why ur always fken borrd. want something new?stdp w mre Subtracttttt, NOVELTY, DARRRRRLINGGGG, IS NOT MOREEEE UVE ALREADY HAD MROE ARENT U FUL? Try this. TRY TO LET GO a ddition= addiction = boredom = stagnation orrrrrr boreDom. STOPPPPPP thinkl new - substracty -SUBTRACT -subtract - divide - tHE square root nowwww subtract omce more. Ahahahshsha a fun little game of asbense. machaniccal subtraction= afunlittlegame. —
, iiioop[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ ……………………………………………………….
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j ………WOWWW STOPpPPPP. WSTOP ITNNOW! LOOKKK whatv Uve done ALWYUS LOKING FORM MORE. HOW DID U OVERkill the SUBTRACTING . INTENSIRY WHORE. Ugh ur unbeekivqblle. Wheredud this fckn incessant need for mot=re come from?addicted little girl. Mdma feidnd How did j becomethat. contrivingur little caged up life foer always more and ,more and more. Ur bored so u make boring befrroom t w toolo much shit looks jutsr like the oncez from before same as when u were jyst alittgle girl. 13 yrd old decoordation whore, stuff stuff stuff. , living in nausiatigmn boring boring borning, BORINGGF excess, AND \WE, F K; absolulet structurally obsessed w stufj ugh stop irf, Cant decide if u want it faster again Or completely dead slow Or could there be something new Guess if i want it Ill have to make it myself, hA Fat chngce, cantb make anything but another BJG FUCKN COLORDFUL MESS. CHILD. FDUCKING CHULD. Go the fuck to beds and stop[ †rying rto write, uyr not a writer ,you canjkt fuckin witte., u cant playh ths fuc kin qguityar, you draeew like aa pasychoric aurthobiograpojhical wajna b tim bhurton. Go tf to bed. —i had a dream in was running from a house. Strange feleing of music rhat wasnrt there The run at the end ? Exhaustion? Repetitive sound? Am i justd delirious? Awas i even asleep? runnign panting Bangign bangign banhuing NO no nono no ssssshhh fcjkin calm urself.s top. U stip trhyung yto make this something. Ur fucking deliverosius leav it alone. Uve done thjd before. Tried to make soomethung. Ur just gonna be bored. And frustrstced. What u loved was silence. You have it now if ud just shut the fuck up . its the only real inyensity left fpr a girl klike youAHHHHHH LAUGH laugh laughhhingggg laaaalaaaallaaa OMGF idoit. Stop fucking laughing SILENCE FUCKING SULENCE silecenceshjhhhhhhhhhbrewtaheee
silence. patience. silence . ueysssssss s ksnsdok
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okay . now. GIVE ME FORCE
(hmmm. Infetrestung. better reward.).
May 27, 2026
JFK Airport
Queens, NY
I'm sitting at Gate 532. I look up and notice the instructions that surround me. I look down at my body. They're there too. They've been with me since the day I was born.
Silence has always hit me hardest. I was taught through noise. I’m literate in it. No wonder silence holds more force.
I am beginning to feel a little less alone. As if the things I've done for most of my life are not as strange or singular as I thought. The collections I've kept. The recordings I've made. Other people do it too. They no longer feel as much like baggage, paraphernalia, hoarding, or evidence of something I can’t explain. Of course, they were kept for different reasons. I wasn't building anything or making art. I was just noticing. Learning to listen. Learning what deserved my attention. Learning to live with obsession.
I needed them. They became the only places I recognized humanity. Maybe I was trying to orient myself. Looking for some kind of origin. I didn't know what the objects meant. I could only feel that they mattered.
Maybe I wasn't as alone in Nevada as I thought I was. Maybe I wasn't the only one learning through listening.
I’m scared to make them anything more than what they are though. They’re already enough. I don’t want to pervert them. But then maybe I'm ignoring the tools they've handed me.
What if they could help me lose the words?
What if you don't need to explain an experience?
What if you can build the conditions for one?
Do I know mine well enough yet?
Not sure.
I guess I'll give it a try.
Or at least as much of a try as I gave words.
June 10th, 2026
4:12 am
The recordings seem like the safest place to start.
I trust they'll survive my hands.
They've been held by rougher ones before.
Perhaps they'll feel it all the same.